To Grace Arts Live

          To Grace Arts Live, through which I experienced much.
          From Codey, a servant of the LORD.  Peace, love, and light from the Father to the Son to the world.  Amen.

          Do any of you recognize that rhetoric?  "Peace, love, and light"?  Lauren, you said it once before a show of Godspell to the audience.  I remember being surprised at how inspiring your words were regarding the show and regarding what it teaches us about life, since I myself share even stronger views about how the story of Jesus Christ applies to us.
          Godspell was one of my favorite shows for this reason.  It was cruelly ironic that I was cast as Judas, the betrayer of Jesus, whom I have believed and confessed as my Lord and Savior.  My experience in this role wasn't... happy, per se.  Not while I was on stage, anyway.  But it was powerful and humbling, reminding me that every minuscule sin we commit is just as bad as Judas'; that every time we sin, we too betray Jesus.  This realization helped not only with my acting but allowed me to learn from the character.
          Many experiences with Grace Arts Live share this pattern of "powerful but not happy" while others are very happy yet carry little weight.  Les Miserables was my favorite show out of them all.  Playing a revolutionary was outrageously fun, more fun than I could have ever thought possible.  Not only did I get to feign shooting a gun and feign my own death, but also because I got to play a character of pride; a character ready and willing to stand for what is right and to die for that same right.  I related to this ever so well, but not to the point that I could just act like myself.  Instead, my character was a portrayal of my ideal self.  
          At the time, my ideal self was more bold and outspoken.  I, of course, now see it necessary to scale back on that boldness today!  This just shows how much the show affected me; and for the better, no doubt.
          Dance classes were not only fun, but kept me fit and content with my body in terms of physical appearance and health.  I found the challenge well met most of the time, even if I completely failed to meet it.  I was most nervous my first day in ballet, yet I now consider ballet to be my favorite class!
          Seussical Jr. is among my favorite shows, not only because it was fun in general but because during it I met the first person I successfully lead to Christ.  I am convinced that her life is changed for the better after meeting me, and subsequently, so is mine.
          ...Which brings me to what I want to say apart from sentiment and parallel to honesty.  I am fine with sentiment, but sentiment for its own sake?  No thank you.  It is hard, knowing what I do, to be sentimental as I leave you, for such sentiment would conflict with Truth, and that is what I serve before sentiment.  And now by Truth I am compelled to speak with Honesty rather than Tact.
          If the one I met and successfully converted to Christianity could convert after having but one imposing Christian friend (that I know of), if she could have a heart so obviously open when so many things had happened to her that could very easily have closed it, if she confessed "Jesus is Lord" not after talk after talk after talk with her friend but after reading a single book, how much more condemned are you?!  I have had innumerable measures of spiritual talks with some of you, I told you about my blog packed with advice I considered helpful, I've let some of you borrow useful books and yet still many of you stand on the other side of things.  Some of you even told me that you enjoyed those talks and posts and books!  Was it a ruse?  Were you lying to appease my overbearing ministry to you?  Were you lying to yourselves and me?  Or perhaps you mean that it amused you, to hear someone talking about some fairy tale like it was real, to hear them talk ardently about something so obviously fake?
          If you had that last conclusion, you are right.  You got me.  You caught me RED HANDED.  I stand before you, persecuted, ignored, exhausted by service because I believe in something that not only is a lie, but is an obvious lie.  I don't get any fulfillment or joy or peace or wholeness or downright, inexhaustible contentment in return, I only convince myself that I do, and this whole time I have been bending over backwards to the point that I have nearly broken my back because I wanted you to believe in a lie!  Yup.  You caught me.  ...This ignorance makes me sick!
          I apologize.  It is hard to stay contained, knowing what I do.  I do not disown my previous experiences with Grace Arts Live that are good and wholesome and nurturing.  However, it is altogether disappointing and difficult to be thankful since I know that many of those experiences were good only because I was in a state of ignorant bliss (Godspell especially).  If one should want to make me content, he ought to keep me ignorant.  If I know enough to criticize, then criticize I will.  To the disdain of many, including me, there is much to criticize about the conduct of the most devoted in Grace Arts Live (simultaneously condemning themselves as the least devoted, for if they were devoted they would be servants of integrity and diligence).
          You, however, already know these criticisms, for I have made them known to you either through words or deeds or both.  I bother not repeating them here, not in there fullness, but I assume you know of what actions I speak.  Drugs, drunkenness, sex; all these undertakings I have criticized and here I criticize once more.
          Drugs destroy your diligence.  They simply do.  And the fact that many of you perform in shows or attempt to rehearse while stammering over your feet from the influence of drugs is not just wrong, it's flat out foolish.  And yet it is you who claim to be most devoted to Grace and her establishment?  Your hypocrisy is comparable, if not head-and-shoulders above, the hypocrisy of the Pharisees from Jesus' time, for whom Jesus had stern criticism.  In the same way that Jesus, my Lord and Savior through whom I am independent of the things that enslave you now, had these criticisms for the Pharisees, so too do I have stern criticism for you and your hypocritical conduct.
          Drugs not only destroy your diligence at work but also at home and in your life in general.  See "Arguments against Modern Ideals" and "Arguments against Intoxication" for more evidence on this and arguments against it.
          I'm not even going to go into sex.  See "Arguments against Adultery".  That's my final word on that.
          Leaders within Grace Arts, those in lead roles, directors, helpers of any kind, I now speak to you.  Do not presume yourselves capable of halting and healing the corruption within your walls through any effort of your own, for I know that many of you have already tried to do so.  This corruption did not come through any effort of man alone, but by the efforts of man through sin.  For I have heard many of them confess with their own mouth, "I hate what I do".  If they hate it, why continue to do it?  If it was indeed possible for them to throw off the chains that bind them by their own power, they would have done so already because they hate what they do.  Instead, they do not free themselves because they cannot.
          So too with you, leaders within Grace Arts.  You cannot inspire any change through words and deeds of the world, for the world has no power over sin.  Instead, you must use a Power opposite sin.  I am fully convinced that this Power is God in Father, Son, and Spirit, whom you may or may not acknowledge.  Acknowledge what you will.  Yet my God has a way of teaching belief to the unbelievers, and I feel sure that He may even increase the amount of corruption within your fine establishment in order to further humiliate you and force you to come to Him.
          If any leaders act with integrity, free from that which will destroy you, that leader must demote corrupt leaders from their positions of leadership and make them apprentices again.  If someone is doing abhorrent things, do not appoint them to leadership positions.  Rather, keep them as followers and they will be forced to follow leaders who are wiser than they.
          Do you not know?  Do you not understand?  Many young men and women learned their corrupt ways from their leaders!  Already corrupt leaders stand among you!  Will you not demote them to followers, as you ought?  Instead I fear many of you are trapped by sentiment.  Ignore sentiment and find logic!  Logic does indeed harm people, but it increases functionality and allows things to work.  Besides, by keeping a corrupt leader as a leader, are you not hurting countless others?
          Now, for those of you who find yourself in a follower's position, surrounded by corrupt leaders, I urge you, do not follow them!  In the event that no good leader steps up to condemn the bad ones, you must liberate yourself from the world.  This is not my way of recommending insubordination; no, you must still obey them in every way unless they command you to do evil.  Obey them, of course, but do not follow them.  Do as they say; do not do as they do.  Liberate yourself and become independent.  Become independent not only of the world and the corruption of those around you, but become independent of yourself.  For you, too, have just as much potential for corruption as they.  
          Rather, depend on God, for He is your only hope and rescue from sin, through which this corruption has come.  As it is written, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Only through God can a mind be renewed, for you are aging continually, by no effort of yours can you make something new.
          It is unfortunate, for it is for all the wrong reasons that I am sad we are leaving.  I am not sad because I feel I want or need you nearby for my happiness, but because I feel you need me to help you in your own salvation from all sorts of evils.  Yet the hardness of your hearts is without equal, and I imagine that in no reasonable amount of time here could I have hoped to soften those hearts.  For I am a man of the mind; I know little of the heart.
          To those of you with Grace Arts Live who are Christians, whose faith is in Jesus Christ and in Him alone, I deeply and sincerely commend you.  I pray for you even now, as I pray for all those who believe and all who do not.  I beg you, do not break, do not give in.  Fight on with Christ, in Christ, through Christ.  If you feel you cannot fight any longer, remember what is written: "The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still."
          When I felt I could not speak to the LORD, when I felt suffocated by His commands for me, I was still and quiet, resolving only to sit and remember that the LORD was there.  You need not talk to Him for Him to be there.  You need not acknowledge Him to enjoy His presence.  By God's grace I have survived countless attacks on my faith, whether intended by people or not, and it is by God's grace that your faith can survive, also.
          With Grace Arts Live, I have had my ups and my downs.  I may regard it in large to be "down" simply because of my overwhelming connection to Christ and because many friends that I won within Grace Arts are either disconnected from Him or directly opposed to Him.  An enemy of my friend is my enemy... but that does not mean I do not love you.  For I am called by that same God, Christ, to love my enemies, and love you I do.  What you may read as hate is actually frustration, which is entirely different.
          I ought not and do not disown my inspirations through Grace Arts.  I seek inspiration intently, and I am glad to have found something that gave me so much of it.  Though the institution itself is not explicitly in God, I am convinced that God still used it to lead me to other things (inspirations, people, virtues, etc.) not necessarily connected to Christ, after which I faithfully made the connection.  So I sincerely thank you, and I thank God on your account.     
          I ask you, give me no glory, for I am undeserving.  Do not say among yourselves, "He served us exceedingly well!"  Instead, say to yourselves, "He was a servant of the LORD, even after this he did not fulfill his duty."  I tell you the truth, many times I served and did so with a secretly rebellious heart, selfishly desiring rest and peace and quiet more than was due.  I have lower tolerance for being busy than most, making me a horrible servant.  Only through God was I able to be busy and serve you to the extent that I was, and to Him only does glory belong.  Always give glory to God, in everything, for it is to Him only that glory is due.  
          I wish you all the best, even if I doubt that you are willing to seize the best for yourselves.  My hope for you perseveres against all odds, for that is what hope does, and hope is of love, which also refuses to give up on you.  Above all, above everything else, remember that I never gave up on you and never truly will; never, not once. 
          My words are sometimes rash and abrasive because I want them to break boundaries, tear down walls, and make differences that really matter.  If they do not, if my words fail, what then am I to do?  So I cannot let them be soft.  I want them to be powerful and eternal and effective above all else.  For the sake of God and for your sake on God's account were these words written, and it is my deepest desire to see both purposes, your sake and God's, united and fulfilled. 
          I don't want to speak of fools and folly ever again; not regarding this city.  I have criticized enough, it seems, and now I retreat from you, never to impose my criticisms again.  They are exhausting, and I fear they may be the very things keeping you from Christ, a fear that also is exhausting.  So I abandon my critique of your past, still unredeemed, condemning the future.  Condemning, that is, unless someone else (that is, Christ) steps in to redeem your pasts for you.  Not that I ever could have redeemed your past for you, but rather I sought to be an effective vehicle of that which can.  But that precious Redeemer does not need a vehicle, and even with me gone, His imposing on you will not end.  Perhaps another vehicle will be raised up in my place; perhaps one has already been selected.  Perhaps the Redeemer of your past, who is Christ, will not need a person to carry his message at all, and will instead seize you for Himself one hopeless night.

          Go now, all who are family in Grace Arts, with my blessing.  I cannot tell you how much I desire the best for each and every one of you; and perhaps one day, God willing, my blessing will come upon you.  I pray for each of you joy and contentment and hope and purpose.  I pray that Christ, who gives each of these things, would come and do real things in the lives of you all.  I pray this sincerely, everyday, every breathe, my very existence is a prayer for you and all people, believers and unbelievers alike.  
          Peace, love, and light from the Father to the Son to the world.  Amen.